He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
