I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
