I'm going to jail i love you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
