My first STD was from a foam party
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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