Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God I need to hump something, right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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