He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk is a universal language darling
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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