I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
