Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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