I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
