i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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