I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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