I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
