Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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