I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
foreskin is a definite game changer
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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