barbara walters just said penis...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize