just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
