Your dad touched me again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
