I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
