I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
