Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
