Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
