Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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