Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
