he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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