you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
