I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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