i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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