Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
