Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
