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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
