I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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