you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
