Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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