and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
