we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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