Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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