I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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