I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
