I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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