Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
