Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
