matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
