she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
