Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
