thus making me awesome and them whores
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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