just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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