I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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