How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
