omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
