If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
