Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We need to get me chipped asap
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
