I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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