giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
