nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
