I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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