I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
