Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
