I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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