She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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