just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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