whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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