Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
