angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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