I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
