Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
